did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
