just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
