Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
True college students do jello shots in the library
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