u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
