ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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