she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
