got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
