He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
