I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
