three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
