We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
