your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
