where am i from again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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