remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
