White coat. Heels.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize