One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
