i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
