dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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