if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
