this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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