There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
