She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
