I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
