i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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