What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
