I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
