Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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