Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
