Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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