He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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