have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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