just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
