yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
