so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
