I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
