i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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