Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
