I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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