good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
