He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize