Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
