I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
