WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize