It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
