Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
