At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
