Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
