just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
