Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
