you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
