you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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