Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
