i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
