Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
