Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize