you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
