I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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