I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
