the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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