Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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