I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
