She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
