Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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