"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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