hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
