i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
