If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
vagina is talking i cant
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
