I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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