At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So much rum. So many feels.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
