guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
