I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
