Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
