Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
