So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
