Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
