oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize