Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
