at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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