I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
