If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
someone owes me an orgasm
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
